I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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