he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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