Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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