well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
