that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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