True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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