i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
