Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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