drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Threesome in a minivan. New low
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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