Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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