He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
