sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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