Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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