By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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