I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
