Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
