i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
