Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He shit in the fireplace
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
