How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
