You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
