I bet he comes in French.
i already hear my dad disowning me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
