we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i dont even know how to be here
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
