uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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