Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
