Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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