my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found your dick twin last night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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