this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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