I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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