I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so let's talk penis.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
