Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
