So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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