He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
