Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
