Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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