kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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