Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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