guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
