why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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