You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
