Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
