i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
