Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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