i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
