I'm drive I can fine osifer
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are the jesus of drinking
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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