Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.