you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.