Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?