Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!