he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
