just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.