I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will