I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize