So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he puts the penis in happiness.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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