he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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