I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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