she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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