I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
