This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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