Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
