96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
