I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am full of burrito and curiosity
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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