I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
