We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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