You work out of a Hotel?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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