I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
