just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
