Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Found your dick twin last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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