i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
