I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
