I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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