He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.