I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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