I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.