Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.