i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar