dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event