Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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