So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
