Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
