You can't motorboat a personality
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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