Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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