omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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