I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
