im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
