i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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