I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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