just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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