I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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