how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
