I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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