so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
