I wish my penis had an off switch
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
