I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
