6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
