i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
