a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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