I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
