idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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