carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
