I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
