I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
