i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
