I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
