I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
