I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
