did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize