Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
