how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
